Too Tired
Clark Steven Lupton
August 27, 2005

I’m so sleepy
That I cannot sleep
I’m too tired to take pills
And I’m too tired to count sheep

I’m too tired to drink warm milk
I’m too tired to relax
I’m too tired to read a book
My tiredness is to the max

I tried to drink coffee today
Because I really lacked rest
But the caffeine did nothing for me
I was too tired to digest

I’m too tired to yawn
I’m too tired to nap
I am so tired
The only thing sleeping is my lap

I am so tired
My eyes are already dry
I’m one tired tired-guy
About that I cannot lie

I yearn for some sleep
I dream about dreaming
I need to get some shut eye
So my life can have some meaning

I won’t take alcohol
Because I believe I shouldn’t be drinking
But I’m willing to thump my head on the wall
To stop me from all this thinking

I tried boring TV shows
I tried chamomile tea
That’s supposed to relax you
But it doesn’t work for me

It doesn’t come easy for me
Rapid Eye Movement isn’t cheap
I think I can’t sleep because I worry too much
I worry about my lack of sleep

The Load’s Prayer
Clark Steven Lupton
March 6, 2005

Lord, let there be unity and peace
Keep me safe while on the road
Eliminate world hunger
And please let me not run out of load

Because when I need to make an important call
And I have to use my cell phone
I wouldn’t know that I was almost empty at all
And when it happens I let out a groan

Reduce diseases and suffering
Cut down teenage sex
But above and most of all
Let me send that text

It makes me concerned
And makes the vein in my neck throb
That if I don’t answer their texts
They’ll think of me a snob

And it embarrasses me to make a call
When I have to borrow a friend’s cell
And I have no control
When his phone bill begins to swell

They say that I run out of load
Because of over use
Like calling and texting overseas
But that is no excuse

The use of my cell phone has nothing to do
With the oil output of Iraq
The simple matter is
I love to text, send pictures and yak

For example it would be awkward
If I had a date
But on my way to the bar I run out of load
And I can’t tell her I’ll be late

And then it turned out
That I liked her so much I glowed
But she’d be there all by herself
All because I ran out of load

And some other guy
Offers to buy her a drink
So she’d leave me for him
And I’d cope by seeing a shrink

And I’ll need to make calls in an emergency
Like in case I’m driving out of town
Then in the middle of the night
My car would suddenly break down

I would hate it if I were harmed
Or worse, if I’d end up dead in a graveyard
Just because I ran out of load
And had no extra card

But the more cards I have for my phone
The more I’ll use it
So no matter how much load I have
It’s as if I always lose it

You brought the locusts to Egypt and parted the Red Sea
Okay, so I get it
But couldn’t you also please just grant my phone
Three hundred pesos in credit?

Because if you don’t
I’ll have to beg, kill and rob
Or even worse, to buy cards
I’ll have even to get a job

So if it’s an emergency
Your blessed credit may save my life
And help me to contact the lady
Who could be my future wife

You could fill my phone with load
Until cards make my wallet swollen
But it might not even do my phone any good
Because it’ll most likely end up stolen!

Poetry Doesn’t Sell
Clark Steven Lupton
March 5, 2005

Sometimes I think about
And I often dwell
On why I continue to write poems
When book publishers say, "Poetry doesn’t sell."

I send my samples to some book publishers
And they say that they are good
But unfortunately they can’t print them in a book
And they hope someone else would

Poetry books don’t sell well
And the publisher’s know it
The only kind of person who buys poetry books
Is another poet

Poetry appeals to emotions
It almost has no other use
There are few successful poets
As commercial as Dr Suess

To fill a good book with poems
Takes a lot of time and is hard
It’s much easier to read and would be cheaper if
You buy a greeting card

The styles of poems are limited
They’re something a poet has to work around
He expresses his ideas with fewer words
And often combines a rhyming sound

With this different style
It is not the same to read
As the best selling books
Whose authors that we feed

We use poetic license
When we don’t follow the rules in writing
And the techniques we use to phrase things
Just tricks you into thinking it’s enlightening

And what happens to be ironic,
I know that I’m not wrong
When you add music to a poem
It sells well, as a song

And what I find even more curious
Is the best selling songs are rap
Which are basically rhymes with loud beats,
Which I consider to be crap

But books that sell are novels
And those that help the self
Poems give temporary amusement,
Which can be read once at the poetry shelf

They may not be the kind of books
That an average buyer picks
But at least I can claim that the number of times
I’ve been published in the papers have been six

I’d like to compile enough poems for a book
To show that I can make a rhyme
For people to buy, borrow or steal
(I may overlook that it’s a crime)

So why doesn’t poetry sell?
Is it something people can’t afford?
I think the answer is implied –
It’s because reading it makes them bored

So what’s a budding poet to do,
To feed himself and buy his gas?
He can apply at Hallmark cards
Or teach a summer poetry class

My Bank Robbery Fiasco
Clark Steven Lupton
March 2, 2005

I planned to rob a bank by myself
It was an enormous task
I would need a getaway car
And I would need a robber’s mask

I thought of all the money I’d steal
It gave me real joy
But I didn’t want to hurt anyone
So my gun had to be a toy

So then I went into a Makati bank
There were lots of people inside
I told the teller I was a bank robber
But she thought that I had lied

So I put on my mask and said, "Give me all your money!"
And then I showed my toy gun
She filled my bag with a lot of money
And I thought that I was done

I rushed out of the bank
It was as though I was never there
Then I went to my getaway car
But it went flat, without a spare

Then the police were alerted
I could hear their sirens wailing
I was starting to get worried
Because my foolproof plan was failing

I needed to escape
But I was just too cheap
Instead of hailing a taxi
I got into a jeep

It turned out there was traffic
Of that you shouldn’t doubt
But it turned out to be my good luck
Because the jeep weaved in and out

The driver was fast
While the traffic was slow
We were outrunning the police
And then he said, "Ang bayad mo!"

The money was in thousand peso bills
I didn’t have five fifty in change
I told him, "I have no coins,
Is there something else we can arrange?"

He said in perfect English,
"You have no money and you’re all talk.
If you don’t give me your fare
You can get out and walk!"

I said, "You’re an upstanding driver-
A responsible citizen I can tell,
Not only do you speak good English
You also rhyme quite well."

He said, "If you don’t pay me now
Then from this jeepney you are barred
I don’t need this extra crap
A driver’s life is hard."

I got out and looked for an empty taxi
But at that time there were none
The police were getting nearer
So I broke into a run

I was in the middle of Ayala
And I needed a place to hide
I was near Glorietta
So I thought I would duck inside

But there was a problem
There were checkpoints at every door
So I checked my moneybag at the baggage claim
Because that’s what they’re there for

So I seemed safe
And so did the cash
But I still had the mask and toy gun
So I threw them in the trash

Then I watched a couple of movies
And by the end of the day
No cops had caught me
It looked like crime does pay!

But I was awoken the next morning
The police had raided my place
"You’re under arrest for bank robbery –
You are scum and a disgrace!"

I pleaded, "How did you find me?"
They said, "Simple police format,
There was one car parked in front of the bank all night
And it had a flat.

"We investigated this clue
Like the bright policemen that we are
We simply looked at the license plate
And traced you as the owner of the car."

It was starting to be my worst day
And out of my bed I had risen
I had thought it would be the start of my leisurely life
But my new life would now be in prison.

There’s good money in bank robbery
In fact there’s a whole lot
But the trick to a successful heist
Is to not get caught!

If EL NIÑO and LA NIÑA had a Kid
Clark Steven Lupton
February 27, 2005

If EL NIÑO and LA NIÑA had a kid
There would be such horrible weather, may God forbid
The Earth would not see such a terrible storm
The ice caps would melt and new oceans would form

There would be more cyclones and worse hurricanes
Houses would collapse and the weather would destroy weather vanes
Tsunamis would hit every shore
They’d seem to peak but then there’d be more

And that’s when the heat wave starts
People would sweat so much they’ll deodorize their private parts
We’ll use so much electricity we’ll run out of power
And the water too so we’ll have to share during our shower

The Ozone hole will triple, as the future will show
People will walk around with an ultra-violet glow
"What about our air?" You need to ask
You’ll need to filter out the soot with a surgical mask

And to add to the problems are the volcanic eruptions
Which dirty up our air and cause weather disruptions
I don’t see the problem ending soon
It will be common place to experience a super typhoon

Livestock would die and we’ll experience hunger
It won’t be the same weather we had when we were younger
You know all those harsh climate movies, where they’d be in big trouble?
Well this will be reality and it will be double!

The weather will be hot one moment and the next it will be freezing
People will get sick and would be constantly sneezing
Humans would become savages, it would be a disgrace
As a species we’ll no longer be the dominant race

The world would be covered in desert sand
And camels would be the ones to rule the land
This vision of a climate gone bad is valid
We will mostly be eating cactus salad

Everyone will be starving, including you
In order to store energy from the food you ate you’ll hold your poo
If you find bananas you’ll also eat the peels
Then you’ll know how a starving person feels

But you know what feels the worst?
When drinking water is scarce and you’ll suffer from thirst
We’ll have to start sending colonies to the moon
If we can’t do anything about the environment soon

We have a bleak future as the dominant mammal
We’ll have to give way to the age of the humped back camel
For the camel the Earth would be the perfect sandy place
While the only home left for humans is outer space

It’s good to have the moon as our future address
There will be no storms and fat people will weigh less
And there will be plenty to eat
As long as you don’t mind all the camel meat

We should live safely in our moon home
Our only worry is if meteors crack the dome
You’d think our lives there would be as good as new
But the way things are going we’ll most likely destroy that too

What Food Thinks About
Clark Steven Lupton
February 27, 2005

"If I could have one wish," said the fish
"Is that I won’t be served as a main dish."
"Then let us pray to God," said the dog
"And hope instead they serve a juicy hog."

"I hope instead they eat fig," said the pig
"And not serve me when I grow big"
"I don’t want to be used for lickin’," said the chicken
"Just the thought makes my heart quicken!"

"It is my belief," said the beef
"That being eaten will cause me grief."
"Or if you’re made into beef jerky," said the turkey
"They say that makes their taste buds perky."

"I don’t want to have to emote," said the goat
"But I don’t want to be swallowed down someone’s throat."
"Well I don’t mean to be drab," said the crab
"But the way I’m killed and cooked isn’t fab."

"They shouldn’t eat us, God forbid," said the squid
"Why can’t they be vegetarians like others did?"
The ostrich said, "Let’s go to the church with the big steeple,
And kick down the door and eat all the people!"

So they marched down to the church and kicked down the door
And the churchgoers never saw such a sight before
The ostrich said, "Kill the people! We will not be made into food!
Not barbecued, boiled, fried or stewed!"

The ostrich kicked, the crab pinched
The dog bit as people flinched
The fish bit with teeth so sharp
The pig knocked down the church’s harp

The goat butted people with his head
He was determined to make the humans into food instead
The chicken pecked at their eyes
She knew she had to or they’d fry her thighs

The turkey blocked the entrance – there had never been such kinds of scandals
Then the cow accidentally knocked over all the church candles
When animals try to eat people they must learn
Never attack a church because it could burn

The events in the church were bent out of shape
But all the people managed to escape
That is the difference between man and beast
The animals managed to be barbecued into a feast!

My Date’s Cheap
Clark Steven Lupton
February 20, 2005

(From a lady's point of view:o)

When my blind date arrived at our gate I was shocked
His shirt was drenched with sweat because he walked!
I was hesitant to let him inside
Then he said, "Let’s go!" and hailed a taxi for our ride

He took me to McDonalds, where I thought of leaving
He was handsome enough, but looks can be deceiving
Afterward I thought he was going to take me to a movie at Power Plant Mall
But instead he bought a VCD from a sidewalk stall

From there we went into 7-11 to buy snacks
As far as class goes, this date lacks
Then he walked me to Glorietta Park
By the time we arrived it had gotten dark

I was thinking I wanted to hang myself in a noose
Then he started a conversation and opened a Granny Goose
He wanted to talk and I decided I would
Being accommodating is a virtue so I thought that I should

We people watched and looked at cars
He spoke of his dreams and discussed the stars
Even though he had little money
He actually turned out to be quite funny

When he looked into my eyes they would glisten
When I’d open my mouth he stopped talking to listen
Surprisingly he was quite gentle
And didn’t turn out to be the least bit mental

We talked of things from caviar to ramen
It turned out we had lots in common
We both liked Sex in the City and Friends
He was looking interesting, despite how he spends

He had creative ideas and a talent for art
Normally that would be a prerequisite to win over my heart
I had to be practical; a guy like him can’t be my spouse
Then he asked if I wanted to watch the VCD in his house

"I don’t want to walk to your house, I’m sure it’s too far"
He pulled out a cheap phone, "We won’t have to, I’ll call for my car."
Then a Jaguar rolled up to us and he said, "M’lady it’s time to embark –
"We’re going to go to my house in Forbes Park!"

My mind was going through a perceptive expansion
His house in Forbes Park was really a mansion!
There were 8 luxury cars parked in the front
That cheap date act was just a stunt!

The living room was exquisite and the TV set was large
Six maids were serving us - he certainly took charge
I asked him, "You live very well, why are you so low-key?"
He said, "I had to make sure you liked me for me."

He put in the VCD and opened some wine
That’s when I knew I had to make him mine
I asked him what he does, he said, "I’m in the movie biz,
I’m in independent production, you know how it is."

Whatever he did it obviously works
Marrying a man like him definitely has its perks
Suddenly he said, "You passed my test now I want to marry you."
I was intoxicated with his wealth and said, "I want to marry you too!"

My heart was won and my search was done
I’ve looked for men up to my standards but there were none
When I first saw him, who knew?
And now my dreams are coming true!

Suddenly the police burst in all mad and irate
"You’re under arrest for being a video pirate!"
My dreams of wearing a wedding veil
Were shattered as they hauled my cheap date off to jail!

Pag-ibig sa Tagalog
Clark Steven Lupton
February 20, 2005

Ito ang bagong tula para sayo
Para magensayo ng Tagalog ko
Meron dito mag-asawa at may pag-ibig
May humalik dito sa pulang bibig

Nangingirilyo ang syota ko, siyempre may abo
Maging mabaho siya at kailangan maghugas at gumamit ng tabo
Nang malinis siya masaya ulit kami at siya ay bumalik
Mabango na siya at kami ay humalik

Pagkatapos iyan, tinanong ko siya kung gusto niya sumayaw?
Sabi niya, "Baka bubuntis ako, eh di ayaw!"
Pumunta kami sa bahay niya at ang bed sheets ay bulak
Rahuyin ko siya at sa siyam na buwan meron siyang anak

Huwag mong makaramdan na awa
Tanga pala kami, eh di lahat tayo puwede tatawa
Kailangan kami mag-ingat dapat
Pero walang ingat kami at meron pang anak na apat

Isang araw sinabi niya sa akin, "Kailangan tayo ikasal."
Mag-asawa na kami at paglinkuran ko sila ng chicken inasal
Maraming handog na kaming makuha
Mga kutsara, mangkok at tatlong kahon ng suha

Kahit wala kaming balak
Masaya na rin kasi uminom kaming alak
At binigyan kami ang mga anak namin maraming gatas
Maging matalino sila at lahat sila mag-aral ng batas

Lahat sila tagumpay: apat ay magiging masipag na guro
Isa ay maging gumalang pambansang pangulo
Pero alam mo ba na ibigay kami ang pinaka galak?
Puwede ngayon uminom kami ng mas maraming alak :o)

Why I was late for Our Date
Clark Steven Lupton
February 19, 2005

I know it’s at 8 that we were supposed to have our date
But the unexpected happened so I’m sorry I’m late
There was a car accident and someone cried out a yelp
There was smoke and glass everywhere and they needed my help

Then after that I thwarted a crime
If you don’t believe me you can check out the news, primetime
The president walked behind the rope and I had to pull it
Because a shot was fired and I stopped the bullet

They took me to the hospital, no cause for alarm
They cut off my shirt and pulled it out of my arm
As you can see I wasn’t a goner
And the president even gave me the Medal of Honor

And then I went to get my car
When I heard a child screaming from afar
The sun had set so it was dark
And a man was molesting a child in the park!

What I saw cannot be said
So I jumped on him and bashed his head!
The mother got her kid and he could resume the choir
And I was on my way to see you when I saw the fire

I ran to the burning building and heard a cat
I saw it thrown out of a third story window, ready to go splat!
In a flash I caught it, it was all such a blur
The cat was unharmed and it began to purr

Since the cat was safe, next jumped the owner
She damaged her kidney and I volunteered to be the donor
So after the operation I came straight here
My date said, "No you didn’t, you were with your friends drinking beer!"

Annoying Kinds of People
Clark Steven Lupton
February 3, 2005

Annoying people are everywhere, in the school or at work
It seems that so many people are annoying it’s like everyone’s a jerk
Like the smoker who sees the "No Smoking" sign but lights up anyway
This is all over the city, it happens everyday

Or the jeepney and bus drivers who swerve all over the road
Or the needy "friend" of yours who’s asking to borrow load
Or the group of people who stop and talk in front of the escalator
They should talk somewhere else; it even annoys the creator

If that’s not annoying enough, how about those that cut in line?
You’d think they’d learn some discipline but they do it all the time
And then there are those people who all they do is complain
If it’s not about how hot it is then it’s about the rain

Then there are those who are aggressive and for that they are proud
But they are also annoying because they’re way too loud
There are also people who man the stores – not all, I mean some
Who don’t know what they’re doing because they’re absolutely dumb

Or what about the kids, those little girls and boys?
The way they get into trouble and make a lot of noise
And sometimes it’s your family; it doesn’t always go so well
Sometimes you fight and argue and at times they also yell

And there are annoying personalities like American Idol’s Simon Cowell
Who’ll criticize when you sing out of tune or mispronounce a vowel
And do you know what bothers me most – which really makes me frown?
It’s the really annoying people who write annoying things down!